The Onion Presents: Christmas Exposed

Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012, 9:02 am

Reserve now!

The Onion Presents: Christmas Exposed

The Onion staff


reserve now!

John O


Nonfiction, Holiday


In brief


Ho, ho, ho? I don't think so.

Remember that moment in How the Grinch Stole Christmas when the G-man came face to face with…what's her name, the little blonde kid? And do you recall how his ice cold heart melted and at that moment, he discovered the true meaning of Christmas?

Man, that was horrible.

I guess I expected more from Dr. Seuss, but he fell for the same old Dickensian trap. Once again, the perfectly logical, perfectly sympathetic heel goes gooey in the third act. Fortunately, in these sunny times, The Onion remains a shining beacon of darkness. They're laughing all the way, all right, and if you like the holidays, they're laughing at you, not with you.

It's all skewered here: Saint Nick ("Santa Claus Killed in Electric-Razor Crash"), Religion ("Vatican Employees Unable to Relax at Holiday Party with Pope Around") and Family Ties ("Parent Mad 6-Year-Old Didn't Like Peanuts Special").

As you might assume, this is not family-friendly material, so let the borrower beware. Because when The Onion throws a holiday party, it's a blue, blue Christmas.